Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 12:36 AM



I've felt down, bad and horrible before. But nothing beats this.
Feeling like I've completely lost myself. I wanna do something really bad to myself so I can feel better bout it.
I don't care if no one cares, as long as I do. I'm tired of holding it together ALL THE TIME.
Putting on a fake smile is overrated. I don't put on a fake smile much. I know who I'm truly happy around with.
But most of the time, I just don't smile if I'm not happy. Why fake it?

Yes please, judge me. Talk about me. Insult me. Tell me every single bad thing about me.
Because I wanna get so immune to it I get numb. I don't wanna ever feel anything again..
I don't ever wanna cry so hard again.

Holding on to something you really love is probably the dumbest shit anyone could ever go through.
Because its crazy and only crazy people do so. WHY DON'T I JUST GIVE UP.
Right now I'm still crazy enough to hold on, but I know, the day I really give up,
you won't even see me anymore.


at 5:42 PM




I was thinking, well I always do,
Maybe I haven found what I'm really good at. Its better than to constantly picturing myself as just – average.
Everything I do, I fear there's someone who will be better than me. Which is unavoidable. There's definitely someone better than me.

The fear is killing me.

But who am I to blame anyone or anything. I don't try, I don't work hard, I prefer to just be - alright. As long as I get through each day. Confidence is my biggest weakness.


Anyways,
I had a good day today :)


Far Behind at 12:23 AM




Constantly feel one step behind everyone,
as though there's no space here that fits me.
Used to blame the world and everything else,
but turns out its just me. Being me.

Want to speak. Somewhere. Where no one would judge me but just hear me out.
I'm not a hater. I just really really dislike my disability in doing things I love.
I don't hate myself. I just hate how I feel and think about things.

Call me a sadist or whatever it is. I didn't choose to be like this.