Strumming Some Heartstrings


Wednesday, February 29, 2012
at 1:54 AM

I often wondered. Does time really heal everything?
I thought time would heal my pain of losing you. But it keeps coming back. Each time when I'm alone. I think of the times when I just lost you. I never thought it was fair.

At least for me. I could have had so much more time with you.
I could have done way more for you. But now you're gone and everything is crushed.

I hope you knew how much I loved you.
xoxo,
you know you love me



Thursday, February 16, 2012
at 10:48 PM

My happy days don't last long. Most of the time, I blame everything else for it.
I told myself, shit happens.

I spend everyday stressing about a million things, feeling depressed about the same old issue,
letting myself down. The world does not revolve around me. I don't expect everyone to be on my side all the time. But being alone to feel all these shits constantly makes me wanna just give up on every single damn thing and not do anything ever again.

I gave up on the things I love for the things I need. That's what I thought. I knew the day would come that i would regret every single decisions I have made. But right now, I'm really confused. I don't know what I love anymore. I don't know who I wanna be anymore. Day by day, I'm starting to lose myself and I can't even do anything about it.

So tell me, what kind of a loser am I? The one who's afraid to fight for her passion, or the one who fails to make others happy no matter how hard she's tried?

xoxo,
you know you love me



Friday, January 27, 2012
at 7:52 PM



I don't know since when did I never liked any single day of the week. Everyday, I have something to worry about tomorrow. I don't find joy in the things I do.
In fact I think I rant pretty a lot O.O

But in the end of the day, I still stuck my ass up and do the best out of it. Even if it takes every ounce of my very limited energy left. Cause I need to. Need to hold on to the thought that I did something good everyday. Of course I still keep a little time to do the things I love ;)

I had a so-called-resolution. I wanted to try new things this year. Things that involves nature. Activities that involves sweat and using loads and loads of energy. After all, it might be the last year of mankind. MIGHT BE. Better take a good look at the nature before its all gone. MIGHT BE GONE. But it all comes down to one great excuse for not being able to do so, NO TIME. I don't have enough motivation to make time for it, or maybe I really have no time :/

p/s ; I miss my cousins :'(


xoxo,
you know you love me



Wednesday, January 25, 2012
at 9:22 PM


I keep hearing your voice in my head, I remember the look in your face, when I last said goodbye to you. Never in my mind I knew that was your last goodbye to me. I always thought we had more time together. I knew this day would come, but how could I ever be prepared for it.

You left so sudden and so soon. I had no chance to even begin to repay what you did for me. Memories of you suddenly strike back so clearly to me. When I was younger, until now. Every year when I leave I would feel a little heavy hearted because I would look at your face and think, what if I never get to see you anymore? I guess the time really came. This may sound very inappropriate but you were always the one I love most. My heart broke when I reached the parlour. It was then that I realize you are really gone. That I will never hear your voice or see you ever again. Letting you go is probably the hardest thing to do. But I know, you have left and it’s only fair that I let you go so you could be truly rest in peace.

I stayed overnight because the time we had were too short. I had only one day to give my last respect to you. I’m sorry that that is all I could ever do for you.

Everything during the ceremony sounded so positive to all of us. You going to a new world, in a new house with servants, a car with a driver, a great new life. That’s all we tried to imply in our mind so we could go through the day and we could let you go. But the only time I truly felt that was when I saw you being placed next to grandfather. That’s when I see that you both are finally reunited with each other. That’s when I felt like you have gone to a better place. You don’t have to worry bout anything anymore.

I hope that in my next life I could have you as my grandmother again. I love you so much you may not have noticed but I really do.

RIP Ah Ma.


xoxo,
you know you love me



Sunday, January 1, 2012
at 9:34 PM




2011 was quite a year. Actually every year is quite a year for me.

But I've learnt few things which is pretty useful to me. First things first, ups and downs, love/hate relationship with my family. I was going through a little rebellious or shall I say, I postponed my 14 years old I want freedom teenage girl issue. But then it got better.

My dad always says that if I'm in some big trouble, only my family would be the one that is able to help me. Which turns out to be true. Anyhow, I've learn the real value of family.

My best friend. The only person that I could possibly spill everything to. Such an amazing feeling to know there's a person on this earth that could understand me so well. Its definitely not just a typical friendship we have there. She's going to be there, all the time. Few great close friends, who had helped me throughout all my hard times, the ones who made me smile and laugh so hard I fell on the ground, those who always hear my out, those who share common interest, you all mean everything to me and I mean it.

College. The evil one. That tough shit. Just a shoutout to those who thinks designer is like some kinda overrated or easy job, those are meant for designers who only learn to imitate others. To constantly think of something new, fresh, something with a great concept, an idea that could probably worth billions of dollars(well okay of course that's just simply exaggerated for this sentence) or just an idea. Then the execution and the skills, so called finding your talent. This all really messed me up and often made me question myself if I'm ever going to qualify as a designer, if I'm ever going to be successful and so much more. And I tell myself, my brain has limited space, it can only go this far. An art college is nothing easy. But of course, good things come along too. Things I've learnt is what money can't buy(aside from PSD, AI and etc), friends I've made, these are the things that kept me motivated.

Relationships. Ups and downs as well. Its not easy to maintain a healthy relationship. Sometimes you can't even tell what you love about the other, but its just there. You're so attached that each time something small happens, your heart breaks. But when you're happy, its like you own the whole wide world. Give and take, is the best I've learnt from this.

People always say, follow your heart. Don't give up on your dreams. I can't imagine the amount of times I've watched or felt my dreams being crushed and rejected. Most of the time, by myself. How great. But deep down my heart, there's still a tiny part of me that still wishes that a miracle happens someday, as soon as possible. I get so jealous each time I see someone being sincerely happy with what they are doing. I wish I could be in their position. Just alter my mindset and just be happy! But nothing is easy. I should have a positive mind.



of course, not forgetting. My baby Dyno !


Geez I've typed so much. Time to go now.
xoxo,
you know you love me



Saturday, December 24, 2011
at 1:15 PM

Don't ever push people around of throw tantrums at others when you're angry.
Its not everyone's fault that you're so angry all the time.

I dislike being the second choice in things. I am so done feeling that way.
I have always been so afraid people might think I'm selfish that I lived my life pleasing almost everyone.
Turns out, people don't see you as a priority, they take you for granted.
Sooner or later you will slowly disappear and end up as just another girl. .

I've learnt that it takes a big courage to go after what you truly desire.
And I'm going to take that big step. I'm going to put myself first.


xoxo,
you know you love me



Monday, December 19, 2011
at 10:15 PM

Forever is a risky word. At least to me.
I won't say nothing last forever. But its the little things that we often fail to keep up with.
And it ruins every single thing we had left.

Not specifically to anyone. Just a thought. Though I really hate the love/hate game.

I always think about the future. Then I stopped, and figured. What's the point?
I can't even handle my present. I think about ridiculous things, EVERYDAY.
I can't stop being who I would hate to be but I can't help it. That's how I feel.

The one thing I learnt this year. Never feel sorry for yourself.



xoxo,
you know you love me




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